So I now only have two days to go until the big op. I feel pretty much the same as yesterday, except for a chat I had with my therapist. She wanted to discuss the possibility of it not working and how I would cope. Although it is an uncomfortable thought I do feel it is really important. I am certainly not entering into this expecting it to fail, but if it does the preparatory work that I do now will make things easier afterwards. Talking it through with Josie was also the right thing to do as she is good at making the conversation as easy as possible.
To tell you the truth though, I really don't know how I will feel if it doesn't work. In the short term I know I will be devastated, but how long will it take to accept it? Where will I be able to find the energy and the passion to move forward? Or find myself a role in society where I will be able to contribute? I hear many of you saying that you do contribute, but these feelings come from within, and anyone that has battled with depression or anxiety knows that the war wages within. Hopefully I will not have to fight this one, but I do know that if I do I need to prepare now. I have had enough bad news in order to know that.
Well when I planned this post I was going to finish there, but that just seems like a real low point. So I will leave you with this. We do not have surgery to get worse, we do it to get better. There are risks with any operation, but we need to be positive. I am doing this to get better and if at the end of the day it doesn't work at least I will know. If I don't do it, there is no chance of getting better and I will always be left wondering. Until next time, stay well:)
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