My Symptoms of Depression

There are many symptoms of depression.  As is the case with many diseases, no two people have quite the same set of symptoms.  But these are the ones I felt as I continued down the track.

One of the first symptoms I felt was anger, but it was very closeted.  For example, driving to and from work I would get really angry with other drivers, and I would shout and yell at them.  As long as they could not see or hear me  I didn't mind.

I became quite withdrawn.  Unless I had to do something or go somewhere I would stay at home, and I would actively minimise my calendar so I had less to do.  However, I actively encouraged my wife and kids to go out so I could spend time by myself.

I would get frustrated by anything.  The tremor didn't help.  I would get so annoyed if I did something trivial like mess up tying my shoe laces.  I was not the fact that these things were harder with tremor and CIDP, but because I let them get to me.

Procrastination and avoidance.  If I had something to do I would put it off for as long as possible, and if I could manage it not do it at all.  Sometimes I would leave something so long, eventually someone else would do it which would be exactly what I wanted.  However, instead of thanking them, I would have a go at them stating I was going to do that!  Avoiding certain issues nearly got me into a whole world of trouble.  This trouble would only serve to make things worse for me, as they say, a spiral of depression.

During this period I also felt emotionally numb, but only when it came to positive emotions.  I remember a time about three years ago, I took the family to the UK for a family wedding and a holiday.  And what did I think and feel.  All I thought about was the effort and hassle of plane travel and dealing with tired and cranky kids.  As a result I felt tired and cranky too, not excited, happy and enthusiastic like I should have been.

Because of all of the above there is an overriding sense of guilt.  I was not the person I expected myself to be and I also felt that I had let everyone down.  Coupled with the fact that I wouldn't let anyone else in meant I had to shoulder all of this by myself.

I still feel like these problems still surface from time to time.  The important thing is now I have the skills to identify them and the tools to deal with them.  But that is another post for another time.  Until then, stay well:)


If you think you may be suffering from depression, go and see your GP.  They will be able to assess you and point you in the right direction to get help.  If you don't feel ready to see someone yet, type "depression help" into google and that will give you a list of resources you can use for help.  In Australia, Beyond Blue is a great place to start for help.  There website is:-

www.beyondblue.org.au