How do I Feel About it All?

There is so much running through my head at the moment it is not funny.  I am literally having to take time out every day to do a self mental evaluation, and the good news is right now, I'm doing fine.  I don't know if it is experience or something that I am just good at but when it comes to stuff like this I seem to be all right.

But there are a million and one things running through my head on any given day.  How do I get there?  What should I bring?  Where should I stay?  What do I have to do before I go?  How do I get around Chicago?  What can I do when I have down time?  How can I communicate with back home?  What are the people going to be like? And many more.

Then there are also the 'what ifs'.  What if something goes wrong with the treatment?  What if I do not qualify for the treatment?  What if I have trouble travelling?  What if something unrelated goes wrong?  What if something happens back home?

The 'what ifs' seem bad, but honestly I have managed to put them out of my mind so far.  A 'what if' scenario is something I can't control.  If it happens it happens, and if it does I'll just have to deal with it as best I can.  What is bothering me most at the moment is logistics when it comes to a support network.

I live in Melbourne Australia.  The trial is based in Chicago USA.  A one way ticket is about $15 hundred and takes about 22 hours to fly there.  One thing I don't want to do is do it alone.  I will if I have to, but if/when things start to get tough it is nice to have one of your nearest and dearest with you to lend moral support.

So who could give me support?  My wife would love to and would be fully prepared to, but then who looks after the kids?  It is unfair to leave the kids parentless for two months.  Like most mums and dads I value the well being of my kids before myself so my wife will have to stay home for the majority.  That lead to the question of why not bring the kids too?  First, two months is a long time to pull them out of school and second, while I'm immune suppressed it is strongly advised to have no contact with children.  While we love our kids and hygiene is something we teach them from a very young age, it is something they do not fully appreciate, understand or practice until they are in their teens.

There is my mum and dad.  They have been more than supportive of me through this, but could I ask them to come to Chicago for two months.  It is a long way to go to be somewhere you don't know anyone, and they too have commitments and obligations they must fulfil.  Lastly, other friends and family.  A number of people have volunteered to come over and help me but like I said, 22 hours and $15 hundred.

In all I should be ok.  If you look at the schedule the first two weeks are just appointments and testing.  I don't need anyone for that and after that I should be able to get someone to spend some time with me. Next time I'll start addressing some of the other issues I have with my trip and how I feel about it.  Until then, stay well:)